August 1, 2023
By Rev. Jay Therrell
A while back, someone told me I was one of the most hated people in Methodism. I jokingly asked him if that title came with a Time Magazine cover? I think I was likely using humor as a coping mechanism. After we hung up, I sat at my desk and just absorbed that statement: one of the most hated people in Methodism. Everything seemed so surreal. I’ve certainly never sought to be the most hated anything. By the way, I’m fine and not sharing this story looking for assurance or affirmation. When you’re in leadership and the front person, it’s your job to be the “face” that shares hard things at times. It’s not my job to be popular. It IS my job to lead effectively. To be clear, however, I don’t hate anyone.
The comment took me aback as being so strange because I think I can honestly say I don’t hate anybody. There are lots of people that I disagree with over theology, church doctrine, political ideology, and philosophy. Heck, there are lots of folks that I disagree with – vehemently – over inconsequential things like college athletics (Go Gators!), Star Wars vs Star Trek, James Bond vs Jason Bourne, and that Christmas is the best holiday of the year, but I don’t hate anyone.
Jesus Won’t Let Me Hate
You see, Jesus doesn’t allow me to hate. In the greatest sermon of all time, Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-47:
You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
I sure wish Jesus would let me off the hook sometimes. I’m human. There are folks I don’t like. Jesus won’t, however, permit me to hate. And so, what can I do when folks attack me, threaten me, or conspire against me? Jesus is clear – even if it’s not what I want to hear – I have no choice but to love them even if I don’t want to do so. And honestly, long-term hatred causes me emotional, spiritual, and physical harm, and it doesn’t affect the person I hate at all.
What Does It Mean To Love and Not Hate?
Does loving someone mean that you must have lunch together every week or celebrate Thanksgiving together? I’ve never read Jesus to say that. I can love someone, acknowledging that they are a child of God and a person of worth, and still not like the choices they make or the things they say.
Don’t believe me? If you’re a parent, you understand. My wife and I have an 18-year-old son. He’s an awesome young man who loves Jesus deeply. Occasionally, he will do something I wish he wouldn’t. Thankfully, it’s not often, but it happens. Sometimes I’m not thrilled with him, but I still love him. In fact, I would give my life for him. I imagine that’s how our Heavenly Father feels about us sometimes. To be very honest, I’m sure our Heavenly Father has felt that way about me sometimes! Isn’t that what Jesus did for all of us?
So, what does it look like to love people who don’t love me or even hate me? For me it means praying for them…and it’s a process. I’ve prayed before, “Father, please bless X with everything their heart desires, and please forgive me for any part of me that didn’t just mean what I prayed.” It’s an honest prayer, and I think God honors that. What I’ve found is that the more I pray for someone that has intended to cause me harm, the easier it gets and the more I mean it. A dear family friend has taught me to pray, “Father, bless X with everything that they need, not necessarily what they want.” That kind of prayer engenders compassion in me.
Being Nice v. Being Kind
I think being loving towards someone who means me ill also includes being kind. My friend, former seminary president, and former chairman of the WCA Global Council, Jeff Greenway, shared a devotion that spoke to that idea. Jeff pointed out that there’s a difference between being nice and kind. He wrote:
The word “NICE” doesn’t appear in the Bible. This may be surprising because many of us have been taught Christians are supposed to be “nice.” Be polite. Don’t be confrontational. Let it go. Don’t make waves. Keep your mouth shut. Don’t offend….I want you to be KIND. The words KIND (250) and KINDNESS (56) are found over three hundred times in the Bible—and a careful reading of each use reveals what God calls us to is much more than being dysfunctionally NICE to one another. God calls us to BE KIND.
Let me share one more part of Jeff’s devotion because he puts it better than I could:
In his book, “Loving Kindness,” Barry Corey, the president of Biola University, helps distinguish between NICENESS and KINDNESS. He writes, “Whereas aggression has a firm center and hard edges, niceness has soft edges and a spongy center. Niceness may be pleasant, but it lacks conviction. It has no soul. Niceness trims its sails to prevailing cultural winds and wanders aimlessly, standing for nothing and thereby falling for everything.” … KINDNESS, on the other hand, has what Corey calls, “a firm center with soft edges.” Kindness has conviction. It has courage. It has a solid backbone. It’s also after something more than being accepted or getting along. It’s a radical commitment to speaking truth. It expresses costly love. Kindness isn’t blandly pleasant, and it’s definitely not safe. Kindness takes risk. It walks lovingly toward difficulty and risks derision. It doesn’t shrink in the face of conflict. NICENESS avoids conflict and retreats from the prospect of adversity. It prefers the comfort of the status quo. Kindness doesn’t revel in tumult, but it has the fortitude to persevere in love in spite of it.
So, when I encounter people who hate me, or at least intensely dislike me, I try to be kind – not nice. I think that’s the loving thing to do. I contend for my convictions with a solid backbone. It doesn’t always make me popular. On the contrary, sometimes it makes me more hated. I don’t like conflict, but I will also contend for the faith and the truth and persevere in love.
I Wish You the Peace of Jesus v. Bless Your Heart
Sometimes on social media, folks come after me. I get it. I’m the public face of a group that a lot of theologically progressive-oriented people don’t like. Often when I realize that there is no possible way that I’m going to change their mind, I simply reply, “I wish you the peace of Jesus.” Recently someone said that was the same thing as saying, “Bless your heart.” I’m a Southern boy. I know what blessing your heart means. If I want to “bless” someone’s heart, trust me, I come from generations of Southerners, I know how to do it. Instead, I simply, honestly, sincerely wish for them the peace of Jesus and then do my best to love them by praying for them.
Lest you read this and think I’m some sort of saint, let me be clear: I’m not. Everything I’ve written is true and is always my goal. I also fall short. Hatred has entered my heart plenty of times. I’ve wished mean-spirited things for other people a time or two. I also ask the Holy Spirit to keep me on a short leash. Further, I surround myself with people who will do the kind thing and speak the truth in love to me. They help remind me when I need to let go of anger and work toward loving others and being kind. It’s a process we Methodists call sanctification, and I have a long way to go.
A Word to People Who Hate Me
I want to finish this post by saying a word directly to folks who think differently than me. In The United Methodist Church, that’s a pretty big group. I’m talking about theological progressives, Methodist institutionalists, people who belong to a different political party (and people inside the same party with which I affiliate), Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, and people who like pineapple on their pizza: I don’t hate you! I may not agree with you. In some cases, I vehemently disagree with you. I think the things for which you advocate are not consistent with scripture and are eternally damaging to yourself and others (especially Seminoles and Bulldogs), but I don’t hate you.
You can hate me. I hope you don’t. It’s not what Jesus wants for you. And because it’s unlikely that I’m going to change your minds, I sincerely and honestly wish for you the peace of Jesus Christ. Would you sincerely and honestly do the same for me?
The Rev. Jay Therrell is the president of the Wesleyan Covenant Association and an ordained elder in the Global Methodist Church.